Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it you’ve got to start young.” That is especially true if you plan to age alone, without the benefit of children or close family. I am most likely going to age alone and I am preplanning for that. You should too.
Today’s 80 is the new 70 and 70 the new 60. Most of us don’t plan on giving up work, volunteering or travel until we’re well into our 70s or 80s. I have friends who were volunteers at the Key Biscayne Tennis Tournament for over 20 years — the only reason they didn’t volunteer this year was because he became sick and couldn’t.
As we grow older those of us aging alone have to make plans while we’re fully functional. We have to discern what resources are available to us in whichever community we choose as our ‘last home’. With today’s service industry and technology there is a huge advantage . . . there are healthy meal services (both for profit and non-profit), ride share and in many neighborhoods free ride services. We also have medical care right here on the Island.
But, as I state over and over again, it’s about preplanning. You need to have a trusted friends or advisors who can be named as your Power of Attorney for Finance and Health. You need to decide now how to disperse your jewelry, money and tangible goods and write it down. You should also plan to stay out of probate court.
You also need to give your passwords for your bank, phone, computer and any other technological device you have, to trusted friends. Sometimes the best thing to do is find a disinterested third party, such as elder care lawyer, and give it all to him or her. Yes, you have to pay them but it’s a simple business transaction devoid of emotion. You should also think of who is going to manage your health care from an insurance point of view so you’re not selling your tangible goods to pay for unwanted or unneeded health care. You will need an advocate and that takes preplanning.
To review: If you live alone now or believe that you will age alone without the benefit of family, now is the time to decide where to live, who to trust, who to choose as your beneficiaries and who to have as your Power of Attorney. I strongly advise you consult with an elder care attorney for all the correct documentation and to have an advocate for you when you can no longer advocate for yourself.
Now that I’m a senior advocate and activist, I find that many things that used to be funny are now insulting. Recently, Julie Andrews did a performance to benefit AARP at Radio City Music Hall. It was her 79th birthday. To be funny she rewrote the words to “My Favorite Things”, here is one of the four verses: “Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings . . . these are a few of my favorite things”
Is this funny? Not to me. Yet, she received a four minute standing ovation and several encore requests. Apparently, I’m in the minority. However, I think the truth lies in the difference between the Greatest Generation and the Baby Boomers. Ms. Andrews is part of the Greatest Generation and I suspect her audience was, as well.
First, Cadillacs are no longer and “old peoples car”, secondly cataracts now mean that if you have them and remove them — there is a lens placed in your eye so you no longer need glasses! Hearing aids? I’m confident that one day I might need them and with any luck Bose will have them for $500 instead of $5000. I don’t need Polident or Fixodent and neither did my Mother and she was 88 when she died. If you go to my dentist, Dr. Friedman. you won’t need them either!
More importantly, let’s think of how lucky we are! In today’s world of we know how to fix things – falling thighs, exercise! Cataracts — Medicare pays to have them removed and new lens inserted which means no more glasses! (Or at a a minimum, only for reading tiny print.) For our teeth, we have implants! And, if you want to tuck in the chin, eyes, tummy, face —- well, there is my doctor, John Martin and Mike Kelly. Both are Key Biscayne residents and Dr. Kelly has a column in this paper.
Bottom line – yes, growing older takes its toll but in todays world we can fight against it. We’re all aware of exercise and diet. We know if we simply walk 3 or 4 times a week we live longer, And, yes, fried foods are a guilty pleasure . . . which, from time to time we should indulge! But, for the most part, let’s celebrate those lines . . . and, if you don’t like them — get rid of them.
I am confident most of you heard the news about the eight seniors who died from overheating. They were all in a licensed “nursing home” in Hollywood Hills. ‘Nursing Home’ is a euphemism for a home for seniors who are at the poverty level and qualify for medicaid.
Nursing homes are like every other industry — they have to make money to survive. In the case of nursing homes they’re paid by the state medicaid fund and it’s per pa
tient. This fund is made up of state and federal dollars. Obama Care expanded medicaid in the states who took the federal dollars but Florida is not one of them.
Bottom line, these are not the luxurious environments for either staff or residents. In my parents case, Mom had been in a lovely residential facility where she was one of three or four people. Her Long Term Care Insurance paid for it. She outlived her two year policy and we had to place her in a Nursing Home. It was our only realistic option as Mom’s care in an Alzheimer’s facility would be close to $7000,00 a month. Mom and Dad couldn’t afford it and neither could the children.
In pursuit of the best we could find, I went to several nursing homes and learned more than I needed to know. All these homes are very austere and it’s a shock! Bare floors, usually
formica, and waiting rooms with plastic chairs. Almost all the receptionists were behind a barrier — some better designed than others.
The patient population is made up of mostly Alzheimers and Dementia sufferers. All the residents are in a wheel chair, a portable bed or never moved from their beds.
Another surprise, the aides often use pulleys attached to patients to change their clothes, move them to the shower or simply change their diapers. Depending on the home, these medical aides must change and clean about 19 patients each. Some work in tandem others work solo — it all depends on the chore.
Further, most patients are only bathed twice a week, maximum three times a week. During one of these showers their hair is washed. Bottom line, it’s not how we envision our last days, weeks, months or years of life.
On the good side, the ‘better nursing homes’ have excellent care. They hire a team of Geriatric Doctors that include Psychiatrists. These Geriatric groups come to the Nursing Home through a PPO and the doctors physically visit once a month. There is usually a Podiatrist group that also visits once a month (Medicare pays for podiatry services) and a dentist who comes once a quarter. The day to day care is with the Registered Nurses (RNs), Licensed Professional Nurses (LPNs), physical therapists and medical technicians. They also have a contracted Hospice service.
Here are some tips when you need to look for a nursing home:
What is the turn-over rate of its employees
Needless to say, the less turnover the better the place. If the staff is not leaving then something is going well — usually their paid above average wages
Is there a hair salon
If there is a hair salon then there’s a market for it. This means the residents take pride in how they look. People who take pride in themselves care about their environment.
Is it clean
As we all know, cleanliness is godliness
Is there a smell
Again, if it smells that means it’s really not clean – no matter how good it looks
Is there a smile on the faces of the staff
A smiling staff means a happy staff
Again, hopefully it doesn’t come to this but if it does, know how to choose the best one.