THE PLEASURES OF OLD AGE

“Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth.” W. Somerset Maugham.   

With maturity comes an ‘ease of being.’   It’s true, we don’t stay up until the wee hours of the morning (often) but we can still have a fabulous time and be in bed by midnight.  Recently, I went to Philadelphia for my cousin’s 80th birthday celebration.  It was three full days of partying — everyone had a blast!  Yes, bed time was earlier but the enjoyment the same.

Most Assisted Living Centers happy hour starts at 3:00pm!  Personally, I loved going to Dad’s Happy Hour . . . let the party begin!  Dad and his fellow residents also loved Happy Hour and still had time for a nap before 6:00pm supper!  

Another pleasure of old age is being able to play 18 holes of golf instead of a “quick 9”.  I remember when we were kids, Dad had Saturday golf every week — and he didn’t get home until after lunch.  That did not go over well with the Mother of his children.  After the children left, it was 9 holes with Mom once a week and 2 rounds of 18 holes weekly  . . . ahhh . .  the decadence!

Now, it’s the little things that give us much more pleasure; taking a grandchild to their first ballet or play, hearing the newest member of your family call you “Grandma” or “Nona”.  The family getting  together to celebrate a wedding or birthday  . . . all give us a chance to luxuriate in the foundation we have created for the generations to come.

And to those baby boomers reading this — remember, how you treat your loved ones is how you’ll be treated.  Paul said it best in his Epistle to the Galatians:  for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

WALKING ON THE MOON DOES NOT KEEP YOU FROM AGING

Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, is 88 years old and has met his fourth wife.  The bad news, the kids don’t like her.  

Here’s what we know from media reports; Dr. Aldrin has sued two of his (3) children and his former manager.  Two children, Andy and Jan, had asked a court to name them as guardians citing his loss of cognitive function and dementia. Warrior that he is, Colonel Aldrin (ret) came out fighting!  He sued the kids, claimed they had transferred monies from his foundation for their personal use and used his credit cards without his permission and sabotaged his love life.  He made an appearance on Good Morning America excoriating his children and accused them of exploiting the elderly.  

The  ousted manager, Christina Korp, states that “almost a year ago, some people began to exert undue influence on Buzz.  These individuals began to actively try to drive a wedge between Buzz, his children and me, for what I fear is their own benefit.”  Her  argument is that because he has dementia he is vulnerable to manipulation.

My argument is that the kids and manager he is suing are doing exactly the same thing.  This ‘fight’ is about who gets to manipulate Colonel Aldrin.  His estate is valued at approximately $12 million. The two children are paid by the Aldrin foundation, as was the former manager. 

Lisa LaBonte met Buzz Aldrin because of their shared interest in STEM education (Science, Technology, Electronics, Mathematics).   She works for Carnegie Ventures and because of Colonel Aldrin’s work has become a part of his business life.  They are great friends.  

Colonel Aldrin also has a girlfriend (unnamed) and the relationship has blossomed into something more.  One can speculate as to her motive but the same can be said for the kids and former manager.  Further, If Buzz Aldrin is happy  . . . who cares?  Doesn’t  he deserve it?

All of this will be solved fairly soon as the “mental health’ tests have been administered and the Courts will review the three different opinions.  I’m only sad that a man who gave his life to service for our country (his children did not) has to defend his honor.  The children did nothing for the $12 million but now feel as though its theirs to protect.  I say, Buzz Aldrin’s life speaks for itself.  Good for him making a last stand – no matter what the outcome!

RETHINKING THE “I’M OLD” MYTH

Now that I’m a senior advocate and activist, I find that many things that used to be funny are now insulting.  Recently, Julie Andrews did a performance to benefit AARP at Radio City Music Hall. It was her 79th birthday.  To be funny she rewrote the words to “My Favorite Things”, here is one of the four verses: “Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings  . . . these are a few of my favorite things”

Is this funny?  Not to me.  Yet, she received a four minute standing ovation and several encore requests.  Apparently, I’m in the minority.  However, I think the truth lies in the difference between the Greatest Generation and the Baby Boomers.  Ms. Andrews is part of the Greatest Generation and I suspect her audience was, as well.

First, Cadillacs are no longer and “old peoples car”, secondly cataracts now mean that if you have them and remove them — there is a lens placed in your eye so you no longer need glasses!  Hearing aids?  I’m confident that one day I might need them and with any luck Bose will have them for $500 instead of $5000.  I don’t need Polident or Fixodent and neither did my Mother and she was 88 when she died.  If you go to my dentist, Dr. Friedman. you won’t need them either!

More importantly, let’s think of how lucky we are!  In today’s world of we know how to fix things – falling thighs, exercise!  Cataracts — Medicare pays to have them removed and new lens inserted which means no more glasses! (Or at a a minimum, only for reading tiny print.)  For our teeth, we have implants!  And, if you want to tuck in the chin, eyes, tummy, face —- well, there is my doctor, John Martin and Mike Kelly.  Both are Key Biscayne residents and Dr. Kelly has a column in this paper. 

Bottom line – yes, growing older takes its toll but in todays world we can fight against it.  We’re all aware of exercise and diet.  We know if we simply walk 3 or 4 times a week we live longer,  And, yes, fried foods are a guilty pleasure  . . . which, from time to time we should indulge!  But, for the most part, let’s celebrate those lines  . . . and, if you don’t like them — get rid of them.

GROW OLD OR PURSUE YOUR DREAM?

Gabriel García Márquez states it beautifully, “It is not true that people stop pursuing their dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing their dreams.”   When Dad turned 90 I realized 60 was young (and I wasn’t quite there yet).  Think about it, the first 30 years, you’re finding your way, the next 30 years you’re working your way and I say, use the last 30+ years to do it your way!   

The mindset of the Greatest Generation was to work until you’re 65, retire, receive medicare and social security.  I remember, Dad did that and within a year he was bored out of his mind and partnered with a good friend in a small exploration business.   That kept him busy until he was about 80.  Then he started volunteering at a church-run thrift shop weekly — he quit that when Mom got sick and she became his full time job.  

As I enter my 60s I’m launching a company,  working my consulting job and writing articles.  I love the deadlines and the intellectual stimulation.  I think we all do.  That makes me think it really is up to us to stimulate our minds in ways that make sense for each of us individually.  At the age of 77 Donna Shalala is running for Congress, at the age of 81 Madeline Albright is on tour for her latest book and at 93 Jimmy Carter is still relevant!  Yes, they’ve chosen a national platform but being relevant in a smaller community is no less satisfying.

With today’s technology and car-ride services there is no excuse to stay at home if you want to get out.  And, if you get out, you’re more relevant.  I know an octogenarian amateur playwright (soon we’ll be seeing one of his summer shorts!), and several septegenerian Starbucks employees.  All are happy and “pursuing their dreams.”   Let’s join them!

Nursing Homes – Often the End Game

I am confident most of you heard the news about the eight seniors who died from overheating.  They were all in a licensed “nursing home” in Hollywood Hills.   ‘Nursing Home’ is a euphemism for a home for seniors who are at the poverty level and qualify for medicaid.

Nursing homes are like every other industry — they have to make money to survive.  In the case of nursing homes they’re paid by the state medicaid fund and it’s per pa

The nursing home visit

tient.  This fund is made up of state and federal dollars.  Obama Care expanded medicaid in the states who took the federal dollars but Florida is not one of them.

Bottom line, these are not the luxurious environments for either staff or residents.  In my parents case, Mom had been in a lovely residential facility where she was one of three or four people.  Her Long Term Care Insurance paid for it.  She outlived her two year policy and we had to place her in a Nursing Home.  It was our only realistic option as Mom’s care in an Alzheimer’s facility would be close to $7000,00 a month.  Mom and Dad couldn’t afford it and neither could the children.

In pursuit of the best we could find, I  went to several nursing homes and learned more than I needed to know.  All these homes are very austere and it’s a shock!  Bare floors, usually

formica, and waiting rooms with plastic chairs.  Almost all the receptionists were behind a barrier — some better designed than others.

The patient population is made up of mostly Alzheimers and Dementia sufferers.  All the residents are in a wheel chair, a portable bed or never moved from their beds.

Another surprise, the aides often use pulleys attached to patients to change their clothes, move them to the shower or simply change their diapers.  Depending on the home, these medical aides must change and clean about 19 patients each.  Some work in tandem others work solo — it all depends on the chore.

Further, most patients are only bathed twice a week, maximum three times a week.  During one of these showers their hair is washed.  Bottom line, it’s not how we envision our last days, weeks, months or years of life.

On the good side, the ‘better nursing homes’ have excellent care.  They hire a team of Geriatric Doctors that include Psychiatrists.  These Geriatric groups come to the Nursing Home through a PPO and the doctors physically visit once a month.  There is usually a Podiatrist group that also visits once a month (Medicare pays for podiatry services) and a dentist who comes once a quarter. The day to day care is with the Registered Nurses (RNs), Licensed Professional Nurses (LPNs), physical therapists and medical technicians.  They also have a contracted Hospice service.

Here are some tips when you need to look for a nursing home:

What is the turn-over rate of its employees

Needless to say, the less turnover the better the place.  If the staff is not leaving then something is going well — usually their paid above average wages

Is there a hair salon

If there is a hair salon then there’s a market for it.  This means the residents take pride in how they look.  People who take pride in themselves care about their environment.

Is it clean

As we all know, cleanliness is godliness

Is there a smell

Again, if it smells that means it’s really not clean – no matter how good it looks

Is there a smile on the faces of the staff

A smiling staff means a happy staff

Again, hopefully it doesn’t come to this but if it does, know how to choose the best one.