THE PLEASURES OF OLD AGE

“Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth.” W. Somerset Maugham.   

With maturity comes an ‘ease of being.’   It’s true, we don’t stay up until the wee hours of the morning (often) but we can still have a fabulous time and be in bed by midnight.  Recently, I went to Philadelphia for my cousin’s 80th birthday celebration.  It was three full days of partying — everyone had a blast!  Yes, bed time was earlier but the enjoyment the same.

Most Assisted Living Centers happy hour starts at 3:00pm!  Personally, I loved going to Dad’s Happy Hour . . . let the party begin!  Dad and his fellow residents also loved Happy Hour and still had time for a nap before 6:00pm supper!  

Another pleasure of old age is being able to play 18 holes of golf instead of a “quick 9”.  I remember when we were kids, Dad had Saturday golf every week — and he didn’t get home until after lunch.  That did not go over well with the Mother of his children.  After the children left, it was 9 holes with Mom once a week and 2 rounds of 18 holes weekly  . . . ahhh . .  the decadence!

Now, it’s the little things that give us much more pleasure; taking a grandchild to their first ballet or play, hearing the newest member of your family call you “Grandma” or “Nona”.  The family getting  together to celebrate a wedding or birthday  . . . all give us a chance to luxuriate in the foundation we have created for the generations to come.

And to those baby boomers reading this — remember, how you treat your loved ones is how you’ll be treated.  Paul said it best in his Epistle to the Galatians:  for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

WALKING ON THE MOON DOES NOT KEEP YOU FROM AGING

Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, is 88 years old and has met his fourth wife.  The bad news, the kids don’t like her.  

Here’s what we know from media reports; Dr. Aldrin has sued two of his (3) children and his former manager.  Two children, Andy and Jan, had asked a court to name them as guardians citing his loss of cognitive function and dementia. Warrior that he is, Colonel Aldrin (ret) came out fighting!  He sued the kids, claimed they had transferred monies from his foundation for their personal use and used his credit cards without his permission and sabotaged his love life.  He made an appearance on Good Morning America excoriating his children and accused them of exploiting the elderly.  

The  ousted manager, Christina Korp, states that “almost a year ago, some people began to exert undue influence on Buzz.  These individuals began to actively try to drive a wedge between Buzz, his children and me, for what I fear is their own benefit.”  Her  argument is that because he has dementia he is vulnerable to manipulation.

My argument is that the kids and manager he is suing are doing exactly the same thing.  This ‘fight’ is about who gets to manipulate Colonel Aldrin.  His estate is valued at approximately $12 million. The two children are paid by the Aldrin foundation, as was the former manager. 

Lisa LaBonte met Buzz Aldrin because of their shared interest in STEM education (Science, Technology, Electronics, Mathematics).   She works for Carnegie Ventures and because of Colonel Aldrin’s work has become a part of his business life.  They are great friends.  

Colonel Aldrin also has a girlfriend (unnamed) and the relationship has blossomed into something more.  One can speculate as to her motive but the same can be said for the kids and former manager.  Further, If Buzz Aldrin is happy  . . . who cares?  Doesn’t  he deserve it?

All of this will be solved fairly soon as the “mental health’ tests have been administered and the Courts will review the three different opinions.  I’m only sad that a man who gave his life to service for our country (his children did not) has to defend his honor.  The children did nothing for the $12 million but now feel as though its theirs to protect.  I say, Buzz Aldrin’s life speaks for itself.  Good for him making a last stand – no matter what the outcome!

AGING ALONE? PREPLAN!

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Old age is  like everything else.  To make a success of it you’ve got to start young.”   That is especially true if you plan to age alone, without the benefit of children or close family.    I am most likely going to age alone and I am preplanning for that.  You should too.

Today’s 80 is the new 70 and 70 the new 60.  Most of us don’t plan on giving up work, volunteering or travel until we’re well into our 70s or 80s.  I have friends who were volunteers at the Key Biscayne Tennis Tournament for over 20 years — the only reason they didn’t volunteer this year was because he became sick and couldn’t.  

As we grow older those of us aging alone have to make plans while we’re fully functional.  We have to discern what resources are available to us in whichever community we choose as our ‘last home’.  With today’s service industry and technology there is a huge advantage . . . there are healthy meal services (both for profit and non-profit), ride share and in many neighborhoods free ride services.  We also have medical care right here on the Island.  

But, as I state over and over again, it’s about preplanning.  You need to have a trusted friends or advisors who can be named as your Power of Attorney for Finance and Health. You need to decide now how to disperse your jewelry, money and tangible goods and write it down.  You should also plan to stay out of probate court.   

You also need to give your passwords for your bank, phone, computer and any other technological device you have, to trusted friends.  Sometimes the best thing to do is find a disinterested third party, such as elder care lawyer, and give it all to him or her.  Yes, you have to pay them but it’s a simple business transaction devoid of emotion.  You should also think of who is going to manage your health care from an insurance point of view so you’re not selling your tangible goods to pay for unwanted or unneeded health care.   You will need an advocate and that takes preplanning.

To review:  If you live alone now or believe that you will age alone without the benefit of family, now is the time to decide where to live, who to trust, who to choose as your beneficiaries and who to have as your Power of Attorney.  I strongly advise you consult with an elder care attorney for all the correct documentation and to have an advocate for you when you can no longer advocate for yourself. 

RETHINKING THE “I’M OLD” MYTH

Now that I’m a senior advocate and activist, I find that many things that used to be funny are now insulting.  Recently, Julie Andrews did a performance to benefit AARP at Radio City Music Hall. It was her 79th birthday.  To be funny she rewrote the words to “My Favorite Things”, here is one of the four verses: “Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings  . . . these are a few of my favorite things”

Is this funny?  Not to me.  Yet, she received a four minute standing ovation and several encore requests.  Apparently, I’m in the minority.  However, I think the truth lies in the difference between the Greatest Generation and the Baby Boomers.  Ms. Andrews is part of the Greatest Generation and I suspect her audience was, as well.

First, Cadillacs are no longer and “old peoples car”, secondly cataracts now mean that if you have them and remove them — there is a lens placed in your eye so you no longer need glasses!  Hearing aids?  I’m confident that one day I might need them and with any luck Bose will have them for $500 instead of $5000.  I don’t need Polident or Fixodent and neither did my Mother and she was 88 when she died.  If you go to my dentist, Dr. Friedman. you won’t need them either!

More importantly, let’s think of how lucky we are!  In today’s world of we know how to fix things – falling thighs, exercise!  Cataracts — Medicare pays to have them removed and new lens inserted which means no more glasses! (Or at a a minimum, only for reading tiny print.)  For our teeth, we have implants!  And, if you want to tuck in the chin, eyes, tummy, face —- well, there is my doctor, John Martin and Mike Kelly.  Both are Key Biscayne residents and Dr. Kelly has a column in this paper. 

Bottom line – yes, growing older takes its toll but in todays world we can fight against it.  We’re all aware of exercise and diet.  We know if we simply walk 3 or 4 times a week we live longer,  And, yes, fried foods are a guilty pleasure  . . . which, from time to time we should indulge!  But, for the most part, let’s celebrate those lines  . . . and, if you don’t like them — get rid of them.

GROW OLD OR PURSUE YOUR DREAM?

Gabriel García Márquez states it beautifully, “It is not true that people stop pursuing their dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing their dreams.”   When Dad turned 90 I realized 60 was young (and I wasn’t quite there yet).  Think about it, the first 30 years, you’re finding your way, the next 30 years you’re working your way and I say, use the last 30+ years to do it your way!   

The mindset of the Greatest Generation was to work until you’re 65, retire, receive medicare and social security.  I remember, Dad did that and within a year he was bored out of his mind and partnered with a good friend in a small exploration business.   That kept him busy until he was about 80.  Then he started volunteering at a church-run thrift shop weekly — he quit that when Mom got sick and she became his full time job.  

As I enter my 60s I’m launching a company,  working my consulting job and writing articles.  I love the deadlines and the intellectual stimulation.  I think we all do.  That makes me think it really is up to us to stimulate our minds in ways that make sense for each of us individually.  At the age of 77 Donna Shalala is running for Congress, at the age of 81 Madeline Albright is on tour for her latest book and at 93 Jimmy Carter is still relevant!  Yes, they’ve chosen a national platform but being relevant in a smaller community is no less satisfying.

With today’s technology and car-ride services there is no excuse to stay at home if you want to get out.  And, if you get out, you’re more relevant.  I know an octogenarian amateur playwright (soon we’ll be seeing one of his summer shorts!), and several septegenerian Starbucks employees.  All are happy and “pursuing their dreams.”   Let’s join them!

Medicare Supplement Insurance . . . It Can Be Tricky

George, an 85 year old, was surprised when he received a $4000 bill for his pacemaker replacement procedure, after he was told that it would cost him $250.   He’d called his Medicare Advantage plan before the procedure and was told that he would be responsible for a $250 inpatient hospital co-pay.  Unfortunately, the hospital and the doctor’s office did not tell him that his procedure would be done as an outpatient with an overnight stay.  He stayed overnight but since he was never an inpatient, the bill was applied to his $6500 deductible for outpatient services.  

It’s a constant refrain!  You’re a senior, on medicare, you do everything you’re told but somehow you still owe $4000.  Again – these insurance companies DO NOT WATCH OUT FOR SENIORS and make the simplest of “medical procedures” complicated on the non-medical side.  A simple medical procedure mixed with insurance is like a game with no rules.  It doesn’t matter what plan you choose, there is still many a “slip between cup and lip”.  No other industry in the U.S. is allowed to operate this way.  It’s illegal!

This is especially true if you have a Medicare Advantage plan. These plans are less expensive than regular Medicare with a supplement for a reason.  They may add extra benefits, but they are often more complicated to understand. So what do you need to do to avoid surprises or issues? Plan ahead, ask a lot of questions and advocate for yourself, your partner, your family members or call Parent Your parents.  We can do it for you. 

Parent Your Parents is pleased and proud to announce the advent of Ann McGuire, R.N. to our growing group of experts.  Besides being a RN she is also a certified case manager and knows the pitfalls of senior insurance issues.  Please go to our website, ParentYourParents.com to see her photo and biography.  She and I will be collaborating on more articles to assist you with getting through the insurance maze  . . . little things like what to do if you’re sent to the emergency room.

Bottom line:  remember – insurance when going to a clinic or hospital for any procedure can be very tricky.  It’s not because the doctor wants to charge you more, it’s because of the intricacies of how Medicare Advantage plans work.  

Observations After a Disaster

If you haven’t seen the video of the residents of a nursing home in Houston, Texas sitting in waist high water simply search “video of seniors in waist high water” in your browser.   School children were evacuated, families were evacuated and who was left behind  . . . seniors.  Two weeks later, in the aftermath of Irma, 14 seniors die from overheating in a Broward County Nursing Home.

If these seniors had been children, the outcry would have been much louder and punishment swifter.  An excellent example is the most recent earthquake in Mexico.  The school that fell down on top of 24 children and four adults had rescuers there in minutes with TV crews transmitting  the entire search for more than three days.  I fear that would not be the case if this had been a home where senior citizens lived.

It is this dichotomy that led me and my partners to found Parent Your Parents (PYP)(parentyourparents.com).  How could anyone allow their “charge” to drown or die from overheating.   Yes, these Assisted Living Centers and Medicaid funded nursing homes are negligent but isn’t that also the case for the families who left them there?  Would they have ever done that to their children??

There is no criticism here — simply a look in the mirror.  If your parents or grandparents are in one of these homes today the chances are EXCELLENT that you will be as well. Yes, we can buy Long Term Care Insurance  but today’s policies don’t cover you for the duration of your life.  We are living longer and unless you have a minimum of $5 million there is a very good chance you will use all your money in the last five years of your life for healthcare.

As a child of an aging parent or loved one there comes a time and you must take charge.  It isn’t easy and it wasn’t easy for them when you were a cute kid begging for a kitty and they said no.  But, if it’s time – face it .

First, honestly asses where they are mentally and physically.  Discuss options with your siblings and present a united front — just like your parents did when you were a child.  You must have a Living Will, you must have a Power of Attorney – one for finance, one for medical.  You must go to the doctor with them and make certain they are receiving the best medical care.  The   doctors MUST know that you are on top of their health.   (Remember, I fired my parents doctor, see Article 2 – How to Get the Best Care Through Medicare),

Secondly — ask them what insurance they have  . . . is it life insurance, supplemental health insurance, burial policy, Long Term Care —- and, the most difficult question — what is their financial status?   None of this is easy but none of it takes financial acuity — it takes emotion, love, tenderness and hand holding.  Remember when you were a kid and your parents took you through some of life’s trials with the same skills?

Disasters like Irma, Maria and earthquakes bring out the best and the worst.  Now is the time to be the best.