From March 6 to April 8 of this year, I experienced five deaths of people I consider part of my life. Two were wonderful with whom who I had the pleasure of sharing some time and three were dear friends. All were under the age of 75. Only one of these deaths was from cancer — the other four were unexpected and left families and friends reeling.
There is, in my humble opinion, only one way to conquer death — live a good life. Perhaps my previous columns have been too obtuse . . . so let me make it clear — you must preplan to age gracefully and comfortably. We all have different needs and it is YOUR needs that must be met. It seems that as we age we view ourselves as less relevant but are we really?
When people talk about living a good life they discuss “paying it forward”, or being kind to your neighbors, or creating world peace in your environment. I’m pragmatic, therefore I view living a good life as being relevant and keeping my and body healthy. How do we do that? Easily, we plan. Once we begin using medicare I suggest we begin to plan for our last years — which in today’s world is 80 to 100. The longer you live, the longer you will live. But, and its a big but, we want to live it well . . . and that means having to deal with the senior care/elder care bureaucracy.
I have a plethora of columns discussing how ‘institutions’ are obstacles not cheerleaders — why – because “seniors” are not valued and easy targets. The exact opposite is the real truth – we vote, we pay taxes, our children are the current workforce and we have experience.
To that end, how do we stay relevant? It’s easy, preplan! Whether you have parents or a partner who is older you have to discuss how to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. Some of the mental health is dependent on financial health. What insurance policies are available? How many financial accounts are there? Does the home and financial accounts transfer without going through probate? These are DIFFICULT! conversations but once done provide true peace of mind.
So, I urge you to look at the non-medical side of your life and begin to ask yourself, your partner or your parents the tough questions then find the solutions so that we can all “Vive La Vida Loca.”
- Are the financial instruments in order
- Are the legal documents in order
- Is your house “too much”, does it need de-cluttering or should you move
- Are you, your partner/spouse or parents healthy
ARE YOU HAVING FUN?!?
LET’S DO THIS!
This is an editorial to the Miami Herald written by H. Frances Reaves, Esq., President of Parent Your Parents, in October of 2017. This was written after Hurricane Harvey and Irma and the mirror placed on Senior Services. As we suffer through a very cold winter these words are still prophetic.
IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN the video of the residents of a nursing home in Houston, Texas sitting in waist high water simply search “video of seniors in waist high water” in your browser – the You Tube video comes right up. School children were evacuated, families were evacuated and who was left behind . . . seniors. Two weeks later, in the aftermath of Irma, 14 seniors die from overheating in a Broward County Nursing Home.
If these seniors had been children the outcry would have been much louder and punishment swifter. An excellent example is the most recent earthquake in Mexico. The school caved in on top of 24 children and four adults. The volunteer rescuers were there within minutes and the TV crews transmitted the entire search and rescue for more than three days. That would not be the case if this had been a senior citizens facility.
Fariola Santiago wrote in her September 24th column that “the elderly are like children, frail, unable to care for themselves, and vulnerable to abuse and negligence. Those who don’t have money or advocates and require round-the-clock care end up in places with deplorable conditions . . .” I agree with Ms. Santiago regarding the elderly but disagree that all nursing homes have deplorable conditions. We also need to remember that, with the exception of one “lonely soul,” everyone had a family . . . and the family did not take them from the ‘deplorable home’ even after they knew about the power failure.
Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials beware — you, too will be a senior! Seniors, are an older version of who we are today. We espouse the sentiment that, “I only want to live a long life if I have a quality of life” but legally we don’t have a choice once our mind collapses.
What we don’t discuss is that dementia does not take away your intellect, mental pain or physical pain. Dementia takes away the ability to communicate effectively. It also absconds with your memory – which allows we the children to believe that with memory loss there is a loss of all senses. That is not the case. The 14 elders who died felt pain and the first to die truly suffered because they did not have the benefit of hospice care.
No doubt, the staff at this nefarious nursing home was negligent, incompetent and uncaring and they were allowed to function as “caretakers” for years. It took a hurricane and power outage to bring it to light. Had this been a daycare center the negligence would not have been allowed to continue.
As the President of a company who advocates for seniors, finds resources, counsels families and assists in medicaid preparations, my experience shows that most of us face living in a medicaid facility. Unless you have a healthy pension or half a million dollars you will not have the money for dementia care in a private facility. Today that runs between six to seven thousand dollars a month. If you qualify for medicaid, nursing homes run about $700.00 and medicaid picking up the balance.
We must look in the mirror! let’s begin the process of treating our elderly loved ones as our children. Treat them as you treat those around you. Hold the Assisted Living Centers and Medicaid Facilities accountable and — START SAVING!!
What is Hospice? First, it is a type of care and philosophy that focuses on the palliation of a chronically ill, terminally ill or seriously ill patient’s pain and symptoms, as well as attending to their emotional and spiritual needs. OK – so what is palliation? Palliation is a service that makes you feel better even though it can’t cure you.
Hospice is a positive addition to our medicare system because the focus is the patient. The goal is to keep each patient as comfortable as possible. This means additional care over what your loved one is already receiving. Between nurses, social workers and priests, there is someone there two to three times a week to make certain there is no pain or discomfort.
The other side of this service is that it is run by medicare. That means that Hospice is free if you’re in Medicare as most of our seniors are. This also means not all Hospice providers are the same. There are thousands of Hospice providers and you have to be certain that they are doing their job (much like those Medicare doctors I’ve described in earlier articles).
I’ve had two different patients in different facilities with different providers and the difference was night and day. One provider is in a nursing home that accepts medicaid patients, we’ll call it A for purposes of this article. The other provider was for a client who lived in an assisted living facility – one that cost $4500/month. This Provider is called F.
A little background – once a patient has been admitted to Hospice, its doctors, nurses and aides “rule” the care. If the patient is a diabetic he or she will still stay on diabetes medicine but perhaps be taken off non-essential medication depending on the comfort level. Yes, the facility still feeds and provides a clean environment but Hospice is in charge of the patients comfort.
In most nursing homes the patients are in full blown dementia but not necessarily at the end of their life physically. Therefore, it is much more difficult to qualify for Hospice in a nursing home. However, once the patient is accepted the care for my nursing home client was beyond great. Her nurse was Mark and I could call anytime to check on her (once the children had given their permission)
The other client was in an Assisted Living Facility and qualified for Hospice before the children asked. They had no indication he was in his last days, weeks or months. Once their loved one become uncomfortable and disoriented they started receiving a “run around.” Parent Your Parents was asked to intervene. Here’s what we found, the Assisted Living Center blamed it on Hospice and Hospice blamed it on the Assisted Living Center. We started calling the Hospice office daily to ask for more help. Hospice told the children that babysitters were needed (at $20/hour). That is when we went into advocate mode. I reminded the Hospice company that their job was comfort and they had to start providing real comfort, not advice to the children and Assisted Living Center’s employees! Remember these companies make money and paying people to babysit takes away from their bottom line. The end result, this Hospice company did what they advertised and found a bed in an extremely lovely location where the client passed away comfortably and peacefully.
Bottom line – not all Hospice is created equal.